“I can’t meditate,” people tell me, and honestly, I just smile because they don’t realize they’re trying to master a skill without actually learning it first.

Just like skiing, or driving a car – you have to learn how to do it before you can become proficient at it.

It’s not a skill that you’re necessarily born with but without doubt everyone can do it if they really want to.

In and of itself it’s not hard to do… it’s our expectations that make it appear to be difficult.

When I say just sit and breathe…. I actually mean it. Just do that. Nothing else. But people look at me then with a blank expression… so let me explain more.

There are two basic types of meditation – passive and active.

Many people that I meet in spiritual communities like active meditations. They find them easier.

In an active meditation you are guided… there’s usually some nice soft and gentle music and you are led through a process or visualisation.

You’re guided where to go (eg into a forest, down a path by the stream, up a golden staircase etc).

And it’s suggested what you might see (eg your spirit guide, guardian angel, an open book, a doorway etc).

These types of meditation usually work quite well because they keep your mind occupied.

Your inner mind chatter is quietened because you have something else to focus on – to occupy your mind in other words – and usually people come out of these meditations feeling very relaxed. Some people even fall asleep in them, so yes, very relaxed! These are your “feel good” types of meditation.

The other type is a passive style of meditation. People usually find this harder to do and they give up far too quickly I think.

In a passive meditation you simply sit and breathe. You allow your thoughts to pass without becoming attached to them.

This is also called Mindfulness Meditation or Mindfulness Practice.

This style of meditation is my personal preference.

I learned to do this 30 years ago when I lived in Singapore.

My teacher John made me (and my first Reiki Master Ingrid) sit on the pavement outside a busy shopping centre on Orchard Road and told us to watch our breath for a few hours without getting distracted.

Not exactly the cushioned studio experience most people expect when they go to learn meditation!

Of course he was there watching over us and protecting us in that space there but he made us sit again and again until we learned to hold ourselves present in the moment in a space of expanded awareness without being distracted.

That was my “initiation by fire” and just for the record: I don’t do that with my students!

But its true that generally people do struggle more with passive meditation.

They can’t sit still, they fidget, they can’t get comfortable… but these are just the mind’s distraction methods because the mind wants to be in control.

And their mind just won’t shut up…!

Lots of people THINK they’re meditating but actually all they’ve done is sit for 10 minutes and chatted with their own mind.

They didn’t let the thoughts come and pass through – they engage and dissect the thoughts and their ego “has a chat”.

Sound familiar?

We’ve all done that. We have to pay attention to what we’re doing though, not let the mind run rampant with it’s own dialogue. This is about you controlling your own mind – not the other way around.

When people begin to get quiet they also commonly hear voices… theirs and everyone else’s even though the room is empty and it’s quiet.

Where are the voices coming from? Inside.

The voices are inside your mind…

They’re the things you haven’t let go of yet – old conversations, what he said, what she said, what you said…

Unprocessed stuff from the day before, the month before, the decade before…

Moments from a movie you watched, a conversation you overheard.

Everything begins to crowd into your meditation time – the first 10 minutes particularly – and you either give up because you think you can’t meditate – or you push through and make yourself sit for longer specifically in order to gain back the control of your own mind.

That would be my preference for you. Sit for longer.

From experience I can tell you that the busier your mind is when you sit (for meditation), the more you NEED to meditate – for longer and more regularly, to empty your mind.

I do meditate regularly because I’ve learned the value of it but even then, sometimes my life gets really busy and when I first sit down there is a mish-mash of thoughts that come through.

When that happens though, I NEVER get up and say I can’t meditate today because I know it’s a sign that I need to do it more than ever.

I just re-settle myself, go back to basics and watch my breathe.

Seriously, I don’t think I would have survived my life if I did not have a meditation practice!

But this type of meditation is not about trying to leave your body, or float around in other dimensions or get a message from an enlightened master or something….

This is simply about sitting and being present in the moment. Being present with your own consciousness.

In time the mind chatter clears and then you are much more available to the guidance that comes to you in that quiet space.

But this is guidance from within you and through your own connection with the Divine.

It’s not about allowing a discarnate energy to come into your body or space.

This is a very different energy connection that we’re working with here and in my opinion, it is a much more empowered position to work from because it is a clear stream of consciousness through your own higher self. It’s about learning to be present in your own body, in your own life – clear and undistorted which is really important especially at this time.

This is why I’m thinking about offering meditation training again — because most people are trying to meditate without understanding what they’re actually doing.

And honestly? In a world that’s designed to keep us scattered and distracted, learning to hold your own center is probably the most radical thing you can do.

If you’re interested in learning how to actually meditate — not the Instagram version, but the real thing that changes your entire relationship with your mind — let me know.

I’m creating a meditation course inside Sanctuary and I might open it up to others who are ready to stop making meditation harder than it needs to be. If you’re interested to join us, let me know.

This isn’t about adding another thing to your to-do list — it’s about finally learning something that will actually make everything else easier.