A big theme for this year is going to be changing identity and personal growth – who you are now, and who you are becoming as you move forwards.

In my Sanctuary space we are talking all about the different aspects of this because we realise that change can be difficult.

It’s all too easy to slip back into old patterns of habits and behaviours that don’t serve us and that are not compatible with the person that we want to become.

Clearly, you can’t be a healthier version of yourself if you are not willing to let go of your unhealthy habits – true on all levels, physical, mental, emotional AND spiritual.

It is these unhealthy habits that are holding you back and keeping you stuck. Some are very obvious… others are a little more difficult to spot because they’ve been with you so long that they appear to be “just who you are”.  You’ll unconsciously defend them by saying things like:  “Oh, that’s just me”, “I’ve always been like this”.

Dive in a bit deeper and you might discover that you adopted those habits and beliefs as a survival strategy – and they’ve worked really well to keep you safe.

The question now though is:  do they still serve you?

Does it help you to respond to things, situations or people in the way that you do?

Recently in our group calls within Sanctuary, we‘ve been discussing raising our emotional standards and setting stronger boundaries but more particularly how that very often when you do that, the people around you don’t like it much.

It reminds me of a quote I heard somewhere many years ago:

“Other people don’t like it when you change the plans they had for you”.

And it’s so true!!

When I’ve made changes in the past, some of my “closest to me” people seemed unhappy with my change.

Some real memories of my own life:

Them:
“Oh! Well you’ve changed!” (said with more than a hint of sarcasm)

My internal response:
Yes… and I’m allowed to

My external response:
Hmmm…

Them:
“Well that USED to be good enough for you but you think you’re better than that now, do you?”

My internal response:
Yes, that’s because I’ve changed and I want something different now.

My external response:
Nothing — just a startled deer-in-the-headlights look because fear had kicked in and now I was in protection mode.

I didn’t understand why they were responding to me in that way back then, but I get it now.

This is where changing identity through personal growth becomes uncomfortable – because it asks us to release patterns that once kept us safe.

I’ve walked this path – (so many times!) – and if you’re navigating the backlash that sometimes comes with personal growth then I want you to hear this: you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re allowed to change.  In fact you’re encouraged to change… (although evidently not by everyone right?!).

The truth is, that you’re evolving and that’s exactly what you should be doing and it’s what I guide women through – honouring their truth, even when the world resists it.

I know now why changing ourselves can be so confronting – the people nearest to us are often NOT our biggest cheerleaders, even though we expect them to.

We want them to be happy that we are improving ourselves, trying to better ourselves, educating ourselves, get fitter and healthier, or whatever we’re trying to do…. But instead they seem to resist our change.   Why is that?

Often it’s because they fear being left behind… and it can be like we’re holding up a mirror and showing them all the ways that they too could improve themselves or achieve things if they chose to. But in those moments their choice to stay the same suddenly feels very painful to them because they meet it face to face and instead of looking at themselves, they lash out at us.

Then there’s the emotional manipulation aspect to this…

If they have power over you mentally, emotionally or spiritually, they’re not going to want to give that up!  Power like that is very addictive to some people.

What does emotional manipulation actually look like?

It might be:

• Guilt-tripping texts from someone you love
• Passive-aggressive digs when you try to set boundaries
• People suddenly acting cold or distant when you say no – withholding their love because they know it will hurt you.
• Being made to feel like you’re “too much” or “selfish” just for prioritising yourself

These are subtle but powerful energetic hooks that keep us playing small.

A friend of mine tried to draw the line with her young adult son who was draining her emotionally and financially and the emotional blackmail that he hit her with was shocking to witness.  And this was supposed to be love?!

Unhooking yourself from these kinds of power grabs are exactly why people don’t change.  They reason that it’s just easier to stay where they are… but going forwards there is no room for this anymore.

We’re moving into a time of empowerment – shifting timelines – shifting realities – and the truth is that if you are not completely happy with what you have in life right now NOTHING is going to change until you do.

YOU have to be the one to change – nobody is going to come and magically make everything right for you and THAT is the literal meaning of “You create your own reality”.

To quote myself in a recent article (because I feel it deeply and passionately):

“We are at the cutting edge of creating a new world – a new experience – and it’s a privilege to be part of the ground crew that is setting up these new foundations and new emotional standards that we can all live by.”

This is exactly the stage of conscious growth we explore inside Sanctuary, a private space for women who are ready to embody a new identity rooted in emotional sovereignty and truth

This isn’t spiritual entertainment or more woo woo practices.  It’s a space for bold, brave women who are ready to recreate their reality from the inside out.

If this speaks to you and you’re navigating an identity shift or life transformation through personal growth, DM me and let’s talk about Sanctuary.